Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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