Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
be right there i have to get my cape
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
