I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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