that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
