too bad you live with your parents still
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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