We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
