Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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