yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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