I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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