So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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