i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
