what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
