Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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