She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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