I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
