I think my vagina is haunted
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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