thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Congratulations! We have a period
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