So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
