I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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