it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
