She said her name was "party"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
