I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Someone signed my nipple.
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