oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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