Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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