He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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