Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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