who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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