I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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