Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
