just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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