How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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