If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize