Your tits are I can't wait for
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
