you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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