I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
