it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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