Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
