I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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