When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He better not be in your backpack
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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