you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
