I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this is an emotional support booty call
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
