he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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