I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
