That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
