I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
