I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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