You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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