Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
