jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
