Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
