At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
