Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
