guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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