Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
