i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize