remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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