then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
