i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
