Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
