I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
