WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
