my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did I show you my penis last night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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