I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
