I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
