remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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