how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
