i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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