escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
