maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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